


A Very Covinsky Holiday

by Queenie_004



Category: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Declarations Of Love, Don’t copy to another site, F/M, JUST KISS ALREADY, Love Confessions, Making Up, New Year's Fluff, Romantic Gestures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-25 03:43:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17113823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenie_004/pseuds/Queenie_004
Summary: Two alternate takes on the post-Ski Trip break-up.Chapter 1 is Peter's POV and happens on Christmas Eve.Chapter 2 is Lara Jean's POV and happens on New Years Eve.Both rely on a working pop culture knowledge of two classic holiday romcoms.Like all writers I crave feedback! Please share in the comments if you have any and thank you for reading!***Happy Holidays everyone! Thank you SO MUCH for all your time spent reading and kudos-ing and commenting on my fics. It's been so gratifying to be part of this incredible community of readers and writers and this fandom full of love for these two crazy fictional kids and their romantic shenanigans!





	1. All I Want for Christmas is You

The last 48-hours have left him completely disoriented and brokenhearted. He had her, he had her in his arms, in his _lap_ and she was ready to be his, opening herself up to him and overcoming her fears and it was the greatest feeling, he felt drunk with happiness and excitement and love because he was in love with her and all the months of pretending fell away and it was just Peter and Lara Jean and a hot tub and a goodnight kiss and a bus ride and it was perfect and then it was over.

He knows now what Gen said to her and he goes to Lara Jean’s house to explain but she won’t let him. She tells him what happened between them on the Ski Trip was a mistake and he feels it like a slap across the face. She accuses him of thinking physical intimacy is unimportant – treating her as disposable and it tears up his heart that in all the months they’ve spent together that she would actually think that about him. And then Sanderson shows up and he lost control of himself, let his temper get the best of him and he made it way, _way_ worse. He lashed out and threw accusations at her, that she was still hung up on her sister’s ex and none of what she was doing or saying was even about him and his ex. But her sister was there, Margot heard and Kitty heard and Lara Jean practically spitting the words at him to leave. He’d tried one last desperate time as she stormed away from him but he fell short, “You were never second best.”

***

She isn’t answering his texts and he is going out of his mind. It can’t end like this. He can’t have gotten everything he wanted and lost it only hours later. At the very least he wants the chance to explain what happened with Gen that night and exonerate himself. If he can do that he thinks he has a shot at getting what he wants the most – he wants her back. He stalks her social media but she’s not posting anything, or she’s blocked him the thought of which makes his heart shudder when he realizes she may be blocking his texts too. In a depression he scrolls through her Instagram feed and that’s how he finds himself looking at a photo from last Christmas of a pile of DVDs she captioned _Christmas Movie Binge Watch with the sisters #goingoldschool #dowestillhaveadvdplayer_ He looks at clips from some of the movies on YouTube and one of them makes him sit straight up and grab his keys.

***

When he gets home from Target he watches the clip again and then looks for the song that he hears incessantly everywhere from Thanksgiving to Christmas – on the radio, in the mall, his mom singing it, and cues it up on his phone. He gets out what he bought and keeps his eye on the clock because he’s going to do it tonight, on Christmas Eve and it’s going to work. It has to because he can’t quite fathom what his life is going to be like without Lara Jean in it now.

***

Setting his Bluetooth speaker on her step he knocks a few times and steps back. He hopes she answers and he nervously waits with everything at the ready. After a few moments the door opens but it’s not her, it’s Kitty. Her face lights up when she sees him then drops quickly and it makes his heart do the same, “What are you doing here?? She’s gonna freak out if she sees you!” He whispers loudly, “Kitty I need your help, please? I just need to tell her something and I’ll make it really quick, I promise.” Kitty eyes him and he doesn’t want to drag her sisters into this more than he already has but he is desperate, “If she kills me, it’s on you. And you’ll have to drive my dead body to school every day for eternity” he chuckles and makes a sign on his chest, “Cross my heart.” She takes a deep breath and turns back around, “Lara Jean, it’s for youuuu.”

***

She comes to the door and when she sees him her body goes rigid, “Peter, you can’t be here.” He keeps himself from opening his big mouth and sticking his foot in it again and holds up his palm in a "give me one minute, please?” gesture. His hand is shaking as he pulls out his phone, “we have guests Peter. It’s Christmas Eve, we’re _not_ doing this.” So that explains the pretty dress she has on and the long sweep of her hair falling over her shoulder. He takes a step closer and she tilts herself back and away from him and it hurts as much as when she told him the hot tub shouldn’t have happened. He taps his screen and the music starts and he reaches to the bushes next to him and pulls out the big white signs he just spent hours making.

 _I don’t want a lot for Christmas_  
_There is just one thing I need_  
_I don’t care about the presents_  
_Underneath the Christmas tree_

As Mariah Carey’s voice floats into the chilly night air he starts holding up signs:

I KNOW YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK TO ME

OR SEE ME

OR BE MY GIRLFRIEND (REAL OR FAKE)

BUT I NEED TO TELL YOU

WHY I WENT TO GEN’S ROOM

He is watching her the whole time as she’s reading and she steps out onto the porch and tugs the door behind her so it’s just them and crosses her arms.

(BECAUSE AT CHRISTMAS YOU TELL THE TRUTH)

He snagged this one directly from the “Love Actually” guy with the signs confessing his love to his best friend’s wife and accepting that it was unrequited.  Although Peter is nearly sure that his feelings are requited if Lara Jean would just give him the chance to make his own confession.

WE’VE BEEN LYING TO EVERYONE

BUT MOSTLY WE’VE BEEN LYING TO EACH OTHER

AND WE’VE DEFINITELY BEEN LYING TO OURSELVES

ABOUT HOW WE REALLY FEEL

She holds herself tighter and he pauses and waits, prays for a sign from her that he’s not alone in this. When she gives the slightest, tiniest bob of her head he feels more elated than he has since the five minutes they were a legit couple.

WHAT HAPPENED WITH GEN WAS THIS…

I TOLD HER IT WAS OVER

THAT SHE NEEDED TO STOP

I WASN’T COMING BACK BECAUSE

I WANT TO BE WITH YOU

BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU

ONLY YOU, LARA JEAN

Her eyes widen and he watches a smile start at the corner of her mouth. From behind her the door opens just slightly and he sees Kitty’s glasses peering out, followed by Margot who looks as suspicious as he expects a protective older sister to look. With the end of the song nearing he thinks he has enough time to match his final signs with the last lines:

AND I’M SORRY I DIDN’T TELL YOU

ON THE BUS RIDE HOME

WHAT I’D DONE, IF I HAD

MAYBE WE WOULDN’T BE HERE NOW

BUT INSIDE TOGETHER UNDER MISTLETOE

(BECAUSE I REALLY, REALLY LIKE KISSING YOU)

She laughs then, it’s soft but he hears it and he grins widely and steals from the movie one more time going for the big ending:

TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT

SO, IN CLOSING WITH A HOPEFUL

(AND TBH, DESPERATE) HEART…

LARA JEAN COVEY ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS…

…IS YOU

His hands are empty and the last notes of the song fade out and he doesn’t know what to do. In the movie Keira Knightly runs after the guy and gives him a kiss him before going back in to her husband. Lara Jean holds her hand out and says, “come here,” and that’s when he notices she has no shoes on, just some really festive holiday knee high socks. He was so fixated on his romantic gamble he didn’t even register she was wearing his favorite Lara Jean look.

When he reaches the steps she comes closer to him and her hands reach for the collar of his jacket and pull him to her. He can feel her warmth and her spun sugar scent teases him as she whispers, “you’re in love with me?” He just nods and looks up at her, watching as her face shifts into the one he saw just before she slipped into the heated water – here she is, here is the girl he fell in love with. Her hands go to his face and she leans in and he feels her breath whisper on his skin, “can I please kiss you Lara Jean?” she nods slowly, “you kinda have to” and her eyes look up and his follow and they are standing underneath mistletoe. “You are _such_ a player Covey” he murmurs just before their lips meet.

 _I just want you for my own_  
_More than you could ever know_  
_Make my wish come true_  
_All I want for Christmas is you_     


	2. Come Home to My Heart

She plans on spending New Year’s Eve with her sisters like they always do—eating trays of assorted appetizers and leftover Christmas cookies followed by a midnight toast of chocolate milk and asleep by 12:15AM. Due to her currently broken heart her sisters have let her pick all the movies for the night and of course she’s chosen ones to further torture herself going for a “Bridget Jones Diary” “When Harry Met Sally” holiday romcom double-header. She and Margot have cleared the air and made up and she’s grateful when her big sister pulls her to rest her head in her lap during the second movie, her fingers brushing soothing patterns along her scalp like their mom used to do when she was reading them bedtime stories.

She’s turned the ringer off on her phone because she doesn’t want to talk to her friends and she doesn’t want to hear anything about what Peter may be doing tonight. She knows there was a party at Greg’s because before everything blew up she was supposed to go with him. She figures now Gen is there at his side, showing him off like a prize she cheated her way to winning and she does not want to see her feeds filled with scenes of the happily reunited couple.

When the movie ends Kitty peers at Lara Jean’s phone and picking it up says, “are you going to read your messages? There’s a lot.” Lara Jean just sighs and pulls the blanket up tighter around her, “No, just leave it.” “But,” Kitty holds the screen up for her, “there’s like, a LOT…and there’s a pictu…” “Kitty” Margot comes back into the room, her voice sharp, “Don’t read her messages and put the phone down.” Before Margot went to Scotland Kitty was a mostly obedient little sister, but a combination of becoming a popular middle schooler coupled with her ardent adoration of Peter Kavinsky has created a bit of rebellion in the girl.

“It’s a picture of Peter,” she announces, ignoring Margot, “and he looks sad” She tries to hand Lara Jean the phone again but Margot grabs it, “No one cares if Peter is sad” she snaps and clicks Lara Jean’s phone off. “I DO” Kitty says loudly and in a tone that makes Lara Jean take notice. For a few moments there’s tense silence and then, because she’s a glutton for punishment, Lara Jean asks Margot for her phone. “Lara Jean,” Margot’s voice sounds like a warning and she should be listening to her but now she just wants to see this picture and read what all the messages are about. She puts her hand out and Margot blows out a frustrated sigh and gives it to her.

Lucas 10:31PM _I’m at this bash at Greg’s and Kavinsky is here looking DOWN_

Chris 10:32PM _How down? Is it I Can’t Believe I’m Chained to This Harpy Gen Again down?_

Lucas: 10:32PM _More like I Can’t Believe I Blew it With Lara Jean What the Hell Was I Thinking down_

Chris 10:39PM _I need a photo plz so I can judge if he looks adequately fucked up over what he did to our girl_

Then at least half a dozen texts about the rave that Chris is at and Lucas gossiping about some hook-ups he’s witnessing. Lara Jean scrolls past until the photo appears and there he is—he’s leaning against a wall and his shoulders are slumped and his head is down and nothing about what she’s looking at looks like the charming cocky boy she loves—or is trying to stop loving.

Chris 10:42PM _Dude that is SAD. That should be a meme. We need a Sad Peter Meme! Is she there?_

Lucas: 10:45PM: _Lara Jean? No and she’s either ignoring us or lurking on this thread. Hey LJ!_

Chris 10:47PM: _I know SHE’S not there, she’s not going to some Jock Ball full of drunk lacrosse bros! Is my cousin there?_

Lucas: 10:49PM: _Yeah, she’s here but he’s ignoring her, despite her best efforts and push-up bra_

There’s a second photo and in this one Peter is looking up almost like he’s spotted Lucas’s phone and it feels like he sees her. She feels such an ache shoot through her at seeing his beautiful, stupid face that despite what he’s done to her, she still wants to kiss him. Something about this sensation must be revealed in her expression because when she looks up from her phone her sisters are both watching her, “What?” she says and Kitty starts to open her mouth and Margot hisses, “DON’T.” Lara Jean looks between them and sees there is some sort of invisible disagreement they are having and she has no idea what it’s about.

“What’s going on?” Margot shakes her head but her eyes are fixed on Kitty who stands up and announces, “I’m getting it.” “Getting what?” Lara Jean is totally confused as Kitty runs up the stairs with Margot in hot pursuit. She can hear them arguing and so she throws off the blanket and follows to Margot’s room where she finds them in a stand-off, Kitty has something in her hand that Margot is demanding she hand over, “Peter sent you a letter!” Kitty blurts out as Lara Jean’s eyes go to what’s in her hand, “And Margot doesn’t think you should read it, but you should!” Lara Jean swings her focus to Margot, “Lara Jean, he cheated on you five seconds after he was with you, you’re better off without him.” “You don’t know that!” Kitty cries, “she didn’t let him tell her what happened!” Margot tries for the letter again and Kitty darts away, “he may have explained it all in here, you need to read it Lara Jean!”

Lara Jean still has her phone in her hand in which Sad Peter is still up on the screen, the same Peter who after coming to her house the night of their fight, stopped trying to contact her. As far as she’s known this whole time he had given up on her and gotten back with Gen. And now she finds out he sent her a letter? “Give it to me” she says before she’s even thought through if she wants to read it. Kitty gives a triumphant smirk while Margot glares, “LJ I’m trying to protect you, he’s hurt you enough.” Lara Jean nods as she holds her hand out to Kitty, “Give it to me please Kitty.”

***

She sits on her bed with the envelope on her lap smoothing out the creases caused by Kitty’s tight grip. She knows that inside may be something that will make her feel even worse than she already does, something that may put a definitive end to whatever it is they have been dancing around these last few months. She wants to keep up her walls and protect herself, bask in the righteousness that she was correct to maintain her guard, never let anyone in. But she’s also just watched four hours of people living the kind of romantic fantasies that Peter had given her a taste of. And with less than an hour left to the year, she lets the voice she’s been shoving down since their break-up finally be heard: she really misses him.

Taking a deep breath she turns the envelope over and slips her finger into a corner to pull it open. Inside is a lined sheet of paper pulled from a notebook, the ragged edges from the spiral still attached. She sees Peter’s familiar scrawl all over the front and back of the sheet and thinks of all the notes he gave her—handing them to her in the hall, slipping them into her pockets with a sly grin or giving them to her in the Jeep before school, when there was no one around to even witness it. She sees the date and realizes how quickly after she last saw him he wrote this, how long he’s been waiting for her to answer.

***

She flies down the stairs with the letter clutched in her hand and starts frantically digging through the pockets of her jackets hanging in the foyer. “What are you doing?” Margot comes from the kitchen towards her. “I need my keys” she mumbles. Kitty pops her head up from the couch where she had been sulking, “Did you read it? Are you going to him??” Lara Jean gets her hand on her keys and starts to pull on her jacket, “Yes, and yes.” Margot’s eyes widen as Kitty jumps up shouting “YES!!” “Sister,” Margot is using her calm voice, “you can’t go racing off, it’s almost midnight” “I have to talk to Peter” Lara Jean says, “he was telling Gen it was over” she waves the letter, “he went to her room after the hot tub to tell her he was in love with me, he’s _in love with me_.” Kitty is bouncing up and down next to her now, “and I let my fears and my pride shut him down and he’s waiting. He’s been waiting for me this whole time and I’ve been too busy being an idiot.” She’s shoving her feet into a pair of boots she’s not even sure are hers, as Kitty squeals, “this is so romantic! Can I come??” “LJ” Margot grabs her, “why don’t you get dressed and I’ll drive you?” Lara Jean looks between her two sisters and then pulls them into a hug, “I love you both but no one is coming with me and I’m leaving. Now.”

***

She is out of breath and anxiously checking the time on her phone. The party is packed so she’s pushing through drunk classmates and trying to text Lucas to help her find Peter when she walks right into someone. “Sorry,” she mumbles and goes to move around them when she hears, “Covey?” and she looks up to see Peter looking at her with confusion in his eyes. “What are you doing here?” She feels her like her heart is pounding right into her throat but she’s done wasting time. “I’m looking for you.” His eyes light up, “yeah?” She nods, “Yeah. I drove here and it’s snowing. Did you know it’s snowing?” he shakes his head, “Well it is snowing and there’s nowhere to park so I just ran to get here from where I parked, and I’m not even sure I know where I left my car,” he grins a little and glances down, “Uh—are you wearing pajamas?” she follows his gaze, “Oh, yeah, there’s that too. I left in a hurry. And these may be Margot’s boots.” She looks into his eyes and says, “I read your letter. I didn’t get it until tonight, it’s a long story I’ll explain later but I read your letter and I have some things I want to say to you—so here goes” he nods his head silently.

“I love that you move the popcorn bowl before you pillow fight with Kitty so it won’t make a mess. I love that you always learn the name of our waitperson and remember it every time we see them. I love that you laugh at my dad’s terrible jokes like you genuinely think they’re funny.” He grins, “they are funny,” she rolls her eyes and continues, “I love that you help your mom around the house without ever being asked, and that you think everything I bake is ‘the best thing ever.’ And I love that you ask me about my mom and talk to me about your dad and that you drove so far just to get me Yakult even though we’d just had a fight.” He is full on beaming at her now and the crowd around them is getting louder as the last minutes of the year run down, “I love that you cover me with a blanket if I fall asleep watching a movie and that you cried at ‘The Notebook’ and weren’t embarrassed about it, and I love that you are the last person I text at night and the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning. And the reason I drove here tonight in the snow, in my PJs, with boots that are cutting off my circulation, is because when you realize you want to be with someone you want to be with them immediately.”

In the midst of shouts of _seven, six, five…_ Peter leans his head down close to her face, “anything else you love about me?” and she smiles as she tilts her head up, _three, two…_ “I love _you_ Peter Kavinsky. And its midnight so kiss …” she doesn’t even finish before his lips are on hers, warm and soft and greedy. She slides her arms around his neck and squeals as he winds his around her waist and pulls her tightly against him. “Happy New Year Covey,” his forehead rests against hers, “I love you too.” As the party cheers and exchange their own kisses they stand smiling at each other, Lara Jean licks her lips, “you taste like kombucha. You can’t even drown your sorrows in booze like everyone else?” He smiles and cupping her face he kisses her in between words, “not…when…I…have…to…drive…my…girlfriend…home.” She laughs, “umm I forgot one thing on my list,” he raises a brow, “I love that you don’t mind driving me around because getting here was completely terrifying and I can’t walk home in these stupid boots.”

***

Inside her car Peter adjusts the seat, “damn, you are tiny Covey” she giggles as she liberates her poor feet. “So, I’m guessing you watched ‘When Harry Met Sally’ tonight?” he teases as he pulls away from the curb. “Peter! I’m impressed with your romcom knowledge!” “I learned from the best” he reaches across the console for her hand and brings it to his lips for a kiss. “Just a reminder that my curfew is in 45 minutes—aaand my house is only 10 minutes away” she flirts, “I literally can't think of a better way to start the year than making out with you” he murmurs against the back of her hand. She nods in the dark, “tick tock Kavinsky.”

 

 _Cause in my head, in my head, I do everything right_  
_When you call I'll forgive and not fight_  
 _Because ours are the moments I play in the dark_  
 _We were wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch 1 Title: All I Want for Christmas is You / Mariah Carey (1994)
> 
> Ch 2 Title: Supercut / Lorde (2017)


End file.
